Notes for My Therapist

I’m conceited

I’m insecure

I love my mom

I loathe my mom

I’m kind of a bad person

I’m kind of a kind person

I drink to stop overthinking

and overthink everything I did when I was drinking

I feel alone

I’m scared I’ll always be alone

I was always alone

I am rarely alone

I am drained

emotionally

and physically

and mentally

But not sexually

I want to have sex

I want to have good sex

I’m scared to have sex

boys have hurt me during sex

Did I mention I like boys?

Boys hate me

I like boys

Boys love me

I cried about my ex yesterday

I kept hurting him

On accident

He kept hurting me

On accident

Maybe on purpose

I kiss my friends

I guess just to feel something

I was too drunk to remember how it felt

My friends say 

I’m just doing anything

And nothing

And everything

Where do you run when you reach a dead end?

I like a boy

so much

I hope he knows that

It’s just that he has no reason to know that

I am losing my shit

How do you stop being perfect?

When all you know is to be perfect.

Will people love me if I did nothing?

Disappeared?

None of this makes sense